I cannot remember where we were at the time, other than to say I know it was outside of a house. We were in the yard, but near the door. We were arguing. Not a big one, not the straw breaker. Just some disagreement. It was summer.
I moved closer to her, an attempt to sooth the rising emotions. She moved away, away from the door and away from me. There was distrust in her eyes, searching too. It seemed an over reaction for the subject matter and the circumstance. She stood there, studying my face. I was staring back, trying to understand what she was doing, what she was asking.
“I don’t like this, ya know?”, she asked.
I didn’t know, I was totally lost. I was trying to come up with words.
“You could ask me anything and I’d do it. Do you know what that means? Do you know how dangerous that is?” She was almost in tears. A hint of fear flashed in her eyes.
The responsibility fell heavy on me, demanding all my attention. I struggled for words to fight it off. I understood, I was getting lost too, swept up in the current. I couldn’t think of anything to say, I could not imagine how we would stop it, how we would build back the safety mechanisms that kept our individual selves safe. We were part of something greater, far more powerful and important and the gravity of it,..I was not strong enough to pull back.
I let my eyes fall from her to the ground. I wanted to cry and I didn’t want to have her heart in my hands. I didn’t trust myself to do it right. She walked to me, now crying, and fell into my chest. She frightened me in a way I’d never thought possible. I put my arms around her. I couldn’t think of anything else to do.
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